Thank You, Vancouver.

• For being cheerful and fun while I was there. Keep this up, and that "No Fun City" label will disappear fast.
• For having a transit system that worked perfectly, and wasn't a pain in the ass to navigate.
• For cleaning up and shining - looking like a true International City.
• For having all those people in Blue Jackets around - who don't mind giving directions to a guy who's "got his buzz on".
• For a Tim Horton's, Starbucks, or other caffeinated beverage place available when I stopped drinking Gin.
• For being the Gateway to Poco, where the real party was.. hahaha.

I'll be back in a month, so don"t forget about me..



Later.

Cream My Jeans.

I know it's only 14 seconds.
I know there's no lyrics.
I know there isn't even pictures of the band.



But there is the sound of Dave Grhol smashing the shit out of some drums. And if Josh Homme and John Paul Jones can keep up with him, this should be fucking Epic.



Later.

Your Chocolate in My Peanut Butter..

Below is a amalgamation of two of the best things in my universe: Kings of Leon and Pulp Fiction.

Uuummaa.



Sweet Christmas, is that awesome or what?

By the way, in case I haven't mentioned it a thousand times already - in 32 days 'till Kings of Leon in Van!
(Fuck, I feel like a giddy schoolgirl...)


Later.

Youth and Young Manhood.

Happy Birthday, Sidekick - you beautiful son of a bitch.

Now before you go wondering why I would call my best friend by such foul terms, let me tell you that I have only the utmost regard for the man. He is, after all, the Hetro-Lifemate.

The reasons I call him beautiful are as follows:

• He's not completely fugly. There are women out there who find him attractive and charming. (Go figure.)
• He's got the soul of a saint, the heart of a poet, and the penis of a miniature schnauzer. (I'm calling the last one by what I heard through the grapevine. I have no first hand knowledge of this.)
• He's been my rock, my backup, my confidant, and my moral compass.
• He just received tickets to the Kings of Leon concert in Vancouver and asked me to go.

Oh yeah.

Lets look at that last one for just a second. Savor it, soak it in.

(Pause)

The Fucking Kings of Leon! Sweet Mary Mother of God and All that is Holy - The Kings of Leon.
For me, right now in my musical evolution, this is one of the top 3 bands I would Give My Left Nut to see. (Please note that the Sidekick did not ask for said nut, nor did he make any mention of my nuts as a form of currency.)

Thank God he gave me 3 months warning - now I can make sure I have the time off, the cash, and build up my stamina for the event.

Hold on a sec - I have to wait three months to go to this concert? Every day is going to be like molasses, endlessly dragging on until the day of the show.

Curse you, Sidekick - for giving me the musical equivalent of Blue Balls - I can go, but I have to wait for it. I'll have a stereophonic hard-on for the next 98 days.

God, my Zune is going to take a pounding.


Thank you, Sidekick - even with the wait, I still think you're one beautiful, glorious bastard.


Happy Birthday.




Later.

Fuck All Music Channels.

Fuck You, MTV.

Fuck You MTV2, Much Music, Much More Music, and any other music channels that I may have missed.

You used to be good for something. Something like, I dunno - music maybe?

There was a time, many moons ago, when I enjoyed having your channel on in the background - I'd hear the tunes I liked, see some outlandish shit that used to pass for videos in days gone by, and just once in a while, you'd show me something new.

I'd like to thank you for introducing me to the Foo Fighters and the Trews - I still remember the first time I saw "Big Me" and "Tired of Waiting".

But for everything else, you can suck my balls.

Why is it that the only time I ever see any actual music on your channel is when it's Video on Trial? How sad is that? I have to wait for a show with semi-funny comics and gay guys to see 45 second snippets of videos.

And to see that, I have to wade through seven hours of "I'm-a-D-list-celeb-who's-fat/addicted/drunk/socially awkward/train-wreck-who-wants-six-more-minutes-of-fame." Once you see Verne Troyer piss in a corner, you just don't want to see T.V. anymore.

How sad is it that I look enviously at a country music channel, just because they play music and not the same reality shit all the time? (By the way, that's the only time I ever look enviously at a country channel.)

Clean up your act, it's just depressing.

I've turned away from you now, to the digital stations on my cable box, and to HDNet concerts on Sundays. (I'm even willing to watch some MMA and movie trailer shows if it gets me repeat showings of Skin & Bones.) You may lure me back, but it'll take the television equivalent of a lapdance and blowjob just to get my attention again.

And then you'll have to wow me.





Later.

Meaningless.

I don't know whether or not to feel bad for Nickelback.

Sure, you've just been nominated for 5 Juno awards - but at the end of the day, what does that mean, really?

It's like being the fastest skater on the ice - but only when pitted against kids with just one foot.

When your competition is Celine Dion and Hedley, there's really not much to get excited about. (When was the last time Celine Dion was relevant in music anyways?)

The biggest threat they have is from Sam Roberts - and knowing how, as Canadians, we usually mess this up, we won't honor Sam and the boys at all. (Not that the Junos really matter - when was the last time you saw "Juno Award Winner" on a CD case by any band that tours outside of Canada?)

So I guess I shouldn't feel bad for them - they are most likely going to win something - but I can still feel bad for them for just being Nickelback.





Later.

Books & Covers.

If you would have told me three days ago that the lead singer for My Chemical Romance had authored a comic book series and that I would love it, I'd have called you a fucking idiot.

Shows how wrong I can be.

The Twin, as per his usual custom at Christmas, has given me yet another Graphic Novel (a fancy way of saying gussied-up comic books) - he usually goes for something outside the norm, as to broaden my horizons in the comic world.

(I won't lie - it's usually one of the highlights for me at this time of year - Christmas Eve, a cup of coffee, and a warm Graphic Novel.)

He hasn't picked a bad one yet. (Sure, Strangers in Paradise wasn't my favorite thing to read, but I appreciated the story and the writing for the type of book that it was.)

However, with The Umbrella Academy, he really blew me away. I liked the art, loved the story, and was entertained my the way the plot was laid out and developed. (I liken it as a cross between Hellboy and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.) The fact that I didn't know Gerard Way was the frontman for MCR before reading it probably helped. I have to admit, based on his writing, I might have to re-examine some of his lyrics - maybe I'm missing something.

I won't give away anything about the book - just read it and enjoy it if you have the chance. (I don't know if The Black Parade is good reading music, your mileage may vary.)




Later.

Paper Planes.

I've had this song stuck in my head all day, and it won't come out.



If I have to have it in mine, you have to have it in yours.

It's not like it's bad or anything, it's just in there rattling around like mad.

It's good to not suffer alone. Thanks.




Later.

10 Things I Learned About Vancouver.

So I'm back from Vancouver, and now that the Hangover has settled down, I'd like to share some things I learned from my little trip...

1. In the downtown core, you can pass a coffee shop every 16 feet, but trying to find a place to buy offsales is nigh-impossible. (It's do-able, but you have to work at it.)
   
2. The bus ride from the ferry to downtown is shorter if you chug 4 beer just before you leave the boat. (Who cares if it's 9am?)
3. If your bladder is bursting from the beer, the Hotel Vancouver has the swankest public washrooms out there.
4. Convincing your waitress at the Library Square Pub to not light the candle at the table is harder than it seems. (If two guys are sitting together, isn't the candle-lit dinner kinda gay?) However, the yam fries and beer were worth the hassle.
5. If you go to a Canucks game, Club seats are the way to go. Sure it's $18 for two beer, but they bring them to your seat!
6. Going to a crowded bar (The Roxy) in Vancouver is just like going to a crowded bar in Campbell River.(Except there's less flannel in Vancouver, and the urine stench is slightly less.)
   
7. Skytrain? Cool to ride. Skytrain at 1:30am, singing with a bunch of Brazilians? Priceless.
8. Driving to the Ferry from Port Coquitlam is probably more bearable when you aren't a steaming pile of hangover, but it still sucks shit.
9. My Weekly $10 buy-in Poker game is nothing compared to the stacks of chips I saw being moved around at the Edgewater's Poker Tables. If I'm feeling ballsy I'll give it a try.
   
10. I can't wait to go back - December 20th won't come fast enough.

So next to having to be at work the next evening, (Still hung) it was a great trip - I had a blast with the Sidekick. As I said before, I can't wait to go again - although I think I'll pace myself a bit better. (Maybe just 2 beer before 9am.)

We'll see how that goes.



Later.

Where Credit Is Due...

I'm getting tired of admitting he's right.

I used to (and still do) give The Sidekick grief over his musical choices. I still think that 85% of them are shit - (I just can't get into James Brown) but there are a few gems that he suggests.

He'll point out a band and tell me how fantastic they are, but it's not usually until the 763rd time he mentions them that I actually pay attention.

(I should give him more credit, he is the guy who re-introduced me to Pearl Jam. We'll forget about the failed experiment that was The Tragically Hip.)

But a while ago he mentioned (for the 764th time) a band called Kings Of Leon. I decided to give their album Because Of The Times a listen, and really enjoyed it. ( At least half the songs are on my running playlist on the Zune.) I hadn't had a chance to hear the new album Only By The Night yet, but when The Sidekick stopped in to see me at work today he told me that he'd heard it, and since I loved the last album so much I was really going to dig this one.

He's right.

I'm on my second listen through as I type this right now.

It rocks.
(And I mean that as a former long-haired glam headbanger from the late 80's - when using the word "rocks" to describe music actually meant something.)

So Thank You, Sidekick - you were right yet again.

(He's never going to let me live this down.)



Later.