I Like Jam On My Toast

Just a quick update to let those who care know I'm still alive.
I'm working an eight day streak right now because I requested some time off to go to the Pearl Jam concert in Vancouver with the Hetro Life Partner. It should be an awesome concert, and I'm really itchin' to get out of town.
To keep those who read the site occupied, and to give myself something else to write about when I get back, I ask you one question:

• Tell me your top ten movies that you just love to watch over and over.

There was a list on the forums the other day and I posted a couple but I figure Ten is a nice round number and I'll let you know mine when I get back.

And no, porn does not count, so I'll have to re-think my personal top 5

Anonymity is Like a Warm Blanket

You know,I find the internet to be a fascinating place.
The types of interactions you see online are sometimes so unreal or surreal that I sometimes wonder how people cannot think before they type, or is civility just a retarded gene in the pool of life.
I was reading a forum that I frequent quite often( Not Porn!) and people were posting about movies that they liked and thought should be listed as "essentials". Now I know that movies, like music and books, are very subjective. One mans trash is really another man's treasure. But some of these people just reamed each other out over the slightest comment or opinion that was posted.
Now you and I both know that in real life, if you overheard someone say that their favorite movie was Herbie: Reloaded, you would never jump in their face and tell them that they are lower on the evolutionary chain than soap scum.
But on "teh Internet" it's okay. In fact some people seem to pride themselves on it.
The fact that someone is possibly thousands of miles away from you and unable to tell where you are or really, who you are, seems to offer people more courage than a bottle of the hard stuff. And the fact that you do not have to physically back your thoughts up seems to be a great comfort to some of these people. In the real world, I mean the really real world,( Joe I know you'll get that reference) if you were that rude you would get your ass handed to you by any number of people. And you just wouldn't do it.
And it's not only in forums and chat rooms either. How many times have you opened up your real life mailbox to shouts of "Make your Penis Bigger!" or "Watch German Girls Play in a Pool of Shit!" (What, you mean nobody else gets those e-mails?....Oops.) If someone was stuffing things like that in your mailbox, you'd be on the lookout for them. Either to tell them to stop or else get some more information.
It's partially because of all this that I avoid certain aspects of the internet. I really like the thought of online gaming, but don't want to put up with all the jerks out there. I know that there are good people and not everyone's an ass, but why should I be forced to wade through the shit to find the few nuggets of gold?

Why is being civil so hard for some people? Can't you just state your point and leave it at that? I get really frustrated sometimes with some of that stuff. I know in the grand scheme of things it's quite a small pet peeve, but as this method of communication becomes more commonplace, it's going to be as important as the spoken word is.

That's My 2 Cents, and I know I'm not the only one.

Garbage In, Garbage Out.

At work lately we have recently gone through a bit of staff turnover. Some of it is to be expected, as some of the younger help who have worked for us in high school get ready to go to college, but some of it is longer term employees who are moving on to other things.
It's been amazing to watch and see how different people work out their remaining time.

"People will leave their work the way they approach it."

Bish had this in his blog (one of many blogs he has,) and I found it interesting to see the dynamic played out in the workplace. I'll give you my examples.

We have two high school students who are leaving, both girls.(Not that it matters.)

One of them has been working as hard as ever right up to her last day. She's positive, energetic and has said repeatedly how much she's going to miss everyone when she is gone.

The other one has been dragging her ass around the store, saying how she can't wait for her shift to be over and for her time here to be done.

We also had two longer term employees leave.

One of them was very straightforward and had said at the beginning of his employment with us, that if he ever got a chance to work in his chosen field,(musician) he'd be leaving. Well he lucked out and got a chance to tour with a band, so off he goes. Worked his time, was very respectful and appreciative of the training we gave him.

The other one was a real long term employee who did not even tell us that she was planning on leaving, went out, got another job while on her holidays with us, and put in her notice. Now there's nothing really wrong with that, except it's the way we were told about her notice. She had told everyone in the department she is in what was going on and asked them to keep it quiet. Why? Why not be honest and grown up about the whole thing? To top it off, she's been really slacking her last two weeks. We would probably just not schedule her, but we still need the body in that department to cover holidays and such.

Why can't most people just be like the first girl and the guy and work out their time and leave on a positive note? Why would you take the chance of possibly jeopardizing any future reference you may get, as well as effecting whatever relationship you had with your co-workers?

I don't work at a horrible place, in fact the owners treat the staff very well, with respect, and are extremely friendly and open to talk to. It's just unbelievable how people will work out their time with the company.

When I left my last job I left on very good terms with practically everybody. I still pop by from time to time, as the sidekick still works there, and have been told by my old bosses that they miss the effort and talent I brought to the team. Yay Me!

It's an interesting theory that Bish had and seeing it played out on this screen I call real life is quite amusing. I know that some of you out there must have some entertaining stories from when you or someone you know left a job, let's hear it!

Music is Memory

I've been making a CD to introduce the Hetro-Life Partner to the great 80's music that he sadly missed out on. You know what I'm talking about. When big hair ruled the earth and Grunge was like the dirt between hippies toes. Call it rock, glam, hair metal, whatever, it's the music I grew up on and just making the CD has brought back a lot of memories for me.

I find that music has that ability. I know that a good song can affect how you are feeling now, but I find, for me, that music's most powerful effect on me is the way it dregs up memories of the past, be they fair or foul. People, Places, Events - all of these are in some way "bookmarked" in my brain according to the music (or individual songs) I was listening to at the time.

Examples:

1. Tesla: I first heard this band when my friend loaned me the tape and said that they were really good. Believe it or not, I stuck this tape in my walkman while I was mowing the parent's lawn as part of my weekly chores, so now anytime I hear any of the songs from Mechanical Resonance I remember mowing that lawn. And I haven't lived there for over 12 years.
2. Blackfish: A southern rock band you have never heard of.
3. Juliet: Another band you've never heard of. First listened to on a Vancouver concert trip with Mooley, Jeeves, Zoffman, and Thompson. Reminds me of drunk driving on the Second Narrows bridge on the way to the concert, and scaring people in other cars with our rockin' out headbanging ways.
4. Danger Danger: I have a feeling you think I'm just making up band names, but trust me, they were,(and I believe still are,) a real band. Anything of theirs reminds me of one past girlfriend just because She hated them so much. That's right. She didn't like the music, the lyrics, even the way the band looked. So I listened to them as much as possible. That's how I roll. Passive-aggressive macho shtick is what I'm all about baby.
5. White Lion: Lots of people memories tied to this one, and all from different times in my life. The first teen breakup song, Wait. The trying to express my love thru song song, You're all I need. And to top it all off, My wedding song, Death do us Part. This band seemed to have it all, except they didn't last.

I know I've listed mostly 80's tunes and bands, but there's way more out there that I could list. As I said, to me music is memory. What music gets your memory going?

With Good Behavior, I'd Be Out By Now

Depending if I was in Texas or not. Yes today is my nine year anniversary. I should be collecting money from all the people who said it wouldn't last.
I'll admit, I haven't always been the greatest husband in the world, but there are a shitload out there worse than me. It has had its ups and downs but overall, how can I complain? (Don't worry, you'll still hear me complain from time to time.)
I think that living with anybody, day in and day out for 9+ years deserves a medal on both sides, be it man, woman or sheep.
For more on my thoughts on marriage, stay tuned to this sunny little blog. I'm sure to have some insights from time to time. ( Ya Think?)

Just 'cause there's a Goalie in the Net...

If you look over at that location thing on the side of the page, you can tell that I'm in Canada.
I was born here, and as such I have the natural Canadian love of Hockey. Played it when I was younger, watch it on TV, and follow it it the papers.
Now I was as pissed off as anyone when the NHL lockout occurred, and I was actually kinda impartial when it ended. I want to see a good product, not some rich crybabys pussyfooting around the ice.
My biggest pet peeve with hockey before the lockout was parity. There were some teams that could be accused of trying to buy the Stanley Cup, and I'm sure that you could point to one or two of the previous teams that have won it as an example. But the fact was that there were some teams who had outrageous payrolls and were full of superstars, and teams that were doomed to failure the moment the season started.
I think that's over now.
After witnessing the trades and dealings in the NHL over the last couple of days, it seems to me, ( as cheesy as it is to say,) that there is now some balance in the force. There are a lot of great players on almost every team now, and the owner with the deepest pockets is not going to be the one who wins. (please don't point out the New York Rangers to me, I believe they are the exception to the rule.) It brings it down to smart fiscal management, as well as having programs that will develop from within, as you will not be able to buy your way out of mistakes anymore.
This change , as well as some of the proposed rule changes to improve the flow of play, have me more excited about Hockey than I have been in years. I really hope the on-ice product will be equal to the excitement that's happening behind the scenes right now.

Can't wait for the season to start.

Chillin' @ the Sidekick Lounge

It's not smoky, dim, or dingy like you would expect. The lighting's ok, kinda subdued, and the overall ambiance is, unfortunately, similar to that of the Mickey Mouse club. No booze, just milk or seltzer, and the talent on stage is limited to card tricks and slight-of hand.
The big boys get strippers and hard liquor, but because most of us are either wards of the state or really smart animals, it's a toss up between Nickelodeon or Animal Planet on the big screen TV.

There are some perks to being one of us, but it's way overshadowed by the negatives. You hope to one day step into the limelight, taking over from your mentor when they're too old or injured to do the job, but before then it's years of short pants & names ending with "boy" or "lad". (The pants really chafe, and asking for a wardrobe update is like squeezing blood from a stone. It's always "Need more jet fuel for the rocket boosters" or "Can't do it now, I have to be seen in public to maintain my secret identity." ) What do you expect? They're not the one freezing their ass off in the middle of winter tailing some low-life thug to the super-villains hideout.

And after being "captured" for the ten-thousandth time, dangled over a pit of "whatever's-on sale-at-the-mutant-pet-store," and freeing myself while they nab the bad guy. ( Using the catch-phrases I made up! Lazy bastard.) What do I get? A pat on the back from a fat, smelly police commissioner, being told I was "lucky" to have the "caped crusader" around, and because of my "impulsiveness" I'm doing codpiece scrubbing duty while the butler's on vacation.

So I'm here. Stuck between a dog in a mask and a midget wearing a tutu. No point in talking to the girls in here. Ever since they found out I've been living with a guy who's old enough to be my father, But isn't actually my father, they all figure I'm either gay or confused, and like I said before, the costume doesn't help. Listen, the cape is short so that I don't trip while I'm running, not so you can see my ass. Can't a hetro man wear a short cape? Besides, with the way some of those girls can throw cars and the like around, I'm afraid to check out their undercarriage if you know what I mean. I'm not saying pre-op or post-op, but some of those virtuous maidens seem to have some large Adams apples.

Well it's almost time to go. You-know-who is probably three sheets to the wind right now, and he'll make me carry his tubby ass into the mansion. (Again) He'll cry about the pressures of being a hero while I pull off his boots and wipe the vomit from his cowl. I hope he got some while he's in the champagne room, otherwise it's clutch-and grab all the way home.

See you later, I'll be in next week to pay my tab.

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Sorry for the lack of posts, I know all 2 of my faithful readers must be disappointed.
I'll do a post tomorrow, just been really busy with work and stuff.
What should I write about? Why don't you let me know and I'll write. Ask me my opinion on anything, and I'll let you know what I think. If there's no comments then I'll go back to my usual shit. Isn't THAT a threat?

Paradise is...

1. Sleeping in as long as you want.
2. Waking up to the most mind-blowing hummer known to exist.
3. Rolling over for a half-hour nap.
4. A shower hot enough to boil an egg in 3 minutes. You're in for 15.
5. The Grand Forks Breakfast (French Toast Style) waiting for you.
6. A stroll along the Seawalk, admiring all of God's creations, their bikinis, and some of that nature shit too.
7. Relaxing on your back deck with a coffee, a good book, and the second best hummer you've had all day.
8. A late afternoon lunch at a sidewalk cafe, admiring the scenery that walks by. (Possible encounter with sexy waitress, and the bill's taken care of.)
9. Reaching in your pocket and finding $25 you didn't know you had.
10. A steak dinner , grilled to perfection. I'm talkin' a manly steak, like half a cow.
11. Watching one of your all time favorite movies, newly released on DVD, with extra commentary previously unheard by human ears.
12. The rest of the evening having the type of sex that would make God himself admit that he's not sure the equipment was made to take that kind of prolonged use.

Was my day anywhere close to what's described above? Not Fuckin' likely.

I Feel...

1. That some days just getting out of bed should be declared a victory for mankind.
2. That who ever invented and perfected coffee should replace God as the central figure of our modern religion.
3. That all things being equal, fat people use more soap.
4. That "when in doubt, just pick C" can't be applied to global politics. (The GW rule.)
5. That the secret to great parenting is the liberal application of the "5 second rule"
6. That Han shot first, he was right to do so, and he should do it again should the situation arise.
7. That on a scale of one to ten, I'd have to pick Yellow.
8. That all every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'.
9. That 2 out of 3, I'm the guy to do the job.
10. That it's better to burn out than to fade away. ( Says the guy who's semi-transparent as we speak...)

Sick

Feel so shitty.
I have the Flu, which I got from the Boy.
I feel slightly better than he does, which is to say that I feel like I've turned my insides out in homage to the porcelain gods.
Not much to say, stay tuned in until next week.
Same Bat-Time
Same Bat-Channel.

"Kickin' it Ol' Skool"

Just got GTA San Andreas for the X-box a couple of days ago and after playing for a while, I have some questions.

1. Is it wrong that in the game, I'm a ripped, badass black man who deals street justice swiftly with my homies and my mac-10, and in real life I'm white, chubby, don't even own a gun, and would report swiftly to the law a simple driving infraction?
2. Are black people upset about all the white kids wanting to be black? First we steal their music, then our teens ripp off any fad that makes them appear black, and now we are pretending to be black in a video game?
3. Are there any black kids out there saying "Why do I want to play this game when I can just go out on the street and do it in real life?" That would be like me buying a game where you made this guy sit at a computer all day long.
4. You know if there was a game with a buff Mormon guy coming back to exact revenge on the gangs who threw him out of Utah, all the while marrying as many women as he can, while trying to one-up his neighbor who just appointed deacon at Temple, there would be NO blacks buying it. There would also be screams of protest from Salt Lake City. Yet no outcry from the black community. Are they just more laid back , or do they really give a shit?

Just some observations I've had.

No I'm not racist.

No I'm not from Port Alberni

Yes I like the game.

Verbal Diarrhea

Here's the problem: public radio.
At work I am forced to listen to the local FM stations, there's 2 in town, shitty and shittier. I have a big enough beef with the Canadian radio industry on the mandatory playing of Canadian content, but if you have to play any kind of music, at least make sure it's good music. Be it rap, rock, pop, folk, it doesn't matter, these local stations have the talent for scraping the bottom of the barrel no matter what the genre.

Some of the stuff that musical artists try to pull off amazes me. (Note I say "musical artists" and not musicians, that's like apples and oranges.) I hate the lazy lyrics. "Na-nah Na-na-na-na"? What kind of shit is that? If you have something to say, say it. If you run out of words, end the fucking song. Even James Brown fell victim to this. "Heeeeeeyyah"? Come on James, don't cop out, write a real lyric. It's not just soul music and eighties shit either. Rap / Hip-hop is just as guilty. How many rap songs have a part where all they're saying is " Uh-huh, yeah, come on' " Kind of lazy considering all you are doing is talking in rhythm to the beat.

And why do the stations insist on playing the same songs over and over again? I swear to God, it seems that, to the local station, Neil Young only wrote one song : Southern Man, and Lynyrd Skynyrd only had one as well: Sweet Home Alabama. I mean really. This is just one example, there are thousands more. Play a Fuckin' b-side already! There are normally 12-15 songs on an album, why play the same one over and over. I can understand somewhat for those one-hit- wonder bands, but for artists that have been around for years? Eric Clapton wrote more than just "Tears in Heaven"

Now I'm not an elitist musical snob like some people I know, and just because I grew up in the eighties does not mean that I think that that eras music is the greatest, in fact, I think 98% of eighties music is shite. I appreciate all music, except those that "The Man" tells me I have to like "Just because they are Canadian." I'll support good music, no mater where it comes from. If a good band is out there and they happen to be from Canada, great. But I will not be force fed shit like Brian Adams and Shania Twain and told that they are great artists and wonderful Canadians. And Celine Dion? I wouldn't waste crusty ear wax on that Shrieking Whore.

But until my plan for world domination is fully realized, I'm at the mercy of public radio.

"When Lord? When's My Time?"

What's Your Kryptonite?

Of course the Uber-geeks who read this know what I'm talking about. What is that one thing that is your complete and utter weakness? And if left unfettered could lead you to your doom?
Now there is different types of Kryptonite, for those of you who have not read an old Superman comic, there was Red Kryptonite, Green, Gold, Blue..Etc. So I believe that there can be different types of Kryptonite for us as well. I will list some of my own, just don't let the list fall into the wrong hands..

• Women - Of course this is most guys #1 pick, and I'm no exception. It's a weakness that you can't control or explain, and it causes you to do and say things you could never imagine. Doesn't matter if you have one, you want more, and therein lies the problem, the catastrophe waiting to happen, that can tear your life and mind apart. I'm not sure what color this Kryptonite is, but it's the crack like substance (no pun intended) that would knock ol' Supes on his ass and leave him beggin' for more.
• Pastry - Yeah I know, after going on with the big dramatic women speech, I'm talkin' about pastry? Come on, you know what I mean. Be it danish, long johns, cinnamon buns, whatever, If it's light and flaky and covered in some form of sugar, I'm all over it like a fat man on a donut... Bad example. Those sweet little confectionery have blown many a diet for me.
• Smokes - I have not had a cigarette in over three years, not counting when I was really drunk on Joey's birthday. But damn I miss it. Like a wino misses screwin' off the top on a fine chardonnay, I miss smoking. It was such a big part of me for so many years, and I'm not talking about a tumor in my lung. I loved to smoke. I knew it was bad for me, the taste was not all that great, and I had to smoke a pack a day to get that "first cig" buzz that you have only once and then chase for the rest of your life. But smoking was always there for me. Had a bad day? Go have a smoke and you'll feel better. Mad? Have a smoke while you cool off. Want to impress that chick? Flick out your zippo and show her your Andrew Dice Clay impression. Smoking was not an addiction, smoking was my friend.

I know there's more, but I'm too sick of analyzing myself to think of them.

So what does it for you.? What's that chink in the everyday armor you cast around yourself? Bad music? Horrible addiction to porn? ( now what's horrible about that?) Just can't get enough of Boy Meets World? Let me know.

Bright Lights, Big City

Now I don't normally comment on the news but you have to read this article.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2005/06/08/1077793-cp.html

Now I have always said the Vancouver was a city that I would not chose to live in, I never said it was a shitty place to live, but C'mon, in the streets?
And what does the Health Authority have to say?
"Defecating and urinating in the street is not something that's healthy for individuals."
No Shit, Sherlock...Wait, correct that. He then proceeds to say how dangerous the risk of salmonella is. Strait up brother, what about the risk of damage to my Pumas? How do you treat a human shitstain on your Jordans?
They feel that the problems of homelessness and drug abuse are to blame. Really? I figured it could have been some rich snob living on West Georgia who just decides to shit in the streets as to not have that Corn-on the Cob smell in his 2 million dollar condo, not some dirty old bum squatting by a dumpster out back of the White Spot.
The discussion then goes on to the topic of public toilets and the pros and cons of such. A big worry is the misuse of the toilets by junkies.
"But now I think we've come to a point in Vancouver where we have to act. The public need far outweighs those concerns. These units are going to be automated and will have a time limit on them. And really, people are going shoot drugs wherever they want."

This is from the city of Safe-Injection Sites, and free methadone. Kinda hypocritical to have Safe sites if people will shoot up wherever they want, eh? What's the point of it all? Why not just hand out a needle and a roll of ass-wipe to each junkie and tell them to let'er rip, "Smoke 'em if ya got 'em"

The reason I'm not in public politics is because I would fucking lose it at the press conference on stuff like this.

"What's your response to the homeless people and drug addicts defecating in the streets?"

"Eat more fiber"

Know Your Role

Bish , I swear to God, never has one comment made me laugh so much.
Please continue to be one of the regulars to check this blog. It's all about the back and forth.
Dlae

If you don't have anything nice to say...

It must be my face.
I must have one of those faces that just screams "Tell me more"
I have no idea why people (Customers) feel the need to tell me the most intimate details of their life when purchasing a product.
Case in point. " I need to get Epsom Salts for my rash, The doctor said I should soak my posterior in the tub for a little bit each night."
"I'm buying these groceries because my cousins-uncles-former-best-friends-roommate-who-I-don't-really-like-because-she's-a-manipulative-bitch-who-smokes-and-curses-but-she's-only-in-town-for-two-days-to-testify-at-her-child-custody-hearing is coming over for dinner."
I don't care.
I'll assist a customer in anyway I can, within the context of the grocer/customer relationship. If you need a suggestion for an entree or dessert and would like to tell me what else is on the menu so I can best help you, fine. I don't need to hear the intimate details of why you are cooking an "I'm sorry" dinner for your wife, regardless who or what you stuck your dick into that got you in trouble in the first place.
On a similar tangent, people who stop and talk to other people (customers) in the store. Please realize that even though you are talking to only one person, if you keep using your BIG BOY VOICE, we can hear you on the other side of the produce section. I guess passing that secret along and asking your buddy to keep it on the "down low" is pointless after you've broadcast it in a public place.
But don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

I find your lack of faith....Disturbing

Just did one of those internet quiz things, and it called me a modernist. That's one of the people who believe that science can and will prove most things, that there is a rational explanation for most questions (except the fat chick - spandex one, see previous post.), and basically saying I believe there is no God.
I'm on the fence on that one.
On one hand it would be an amazing coincidence that from swirling gas and cosmic dust you can have things like mountains and trees and hummingbirds and Tim Hortons Coffee, but if there is a God, then why the crack-whores and serial killers and sad, lonely people who hang out at the local McDonald's all day long drinking coffee after shitty coffee.
I think there is a God, He's just doing a really shitty job.
Like a newbie left to run things by themselves with no guidance, no matter how lucky, bad shit's gonna happen, and if you just look the other way and ignore it, then it will get better on it's own. (Or so they hope.)
Somebody needs to do a evaluation on this supreme being, but who? He's got no boss, unless God's got a wife, and in that case she's probably bitching at him enough as it is.
("Why did you put the Israelis with the Muslims?" "I think that there should be more kittens!" "Let me design another animal, didn't you see how well my platypus turned out?" "Why did you invent silicone? Are my breasts not big enough?")
Poor bastard.
Am I having a lapse of faith?
Does it really matter?
Or am I just way to tired to care?

Question Period

Answer me this... Why do the poorest, dirtiest people you see (at least in this part of the world) always seem to have a dog for a pet. I mean it's got to be hard enough finding shelter, food, booze and crystal meth for yourself, forget about stuff for the dog. How do you split it up?
"Let's see, I've got 3 moldy potatoes, a bit of rancid beef and some dirty water from a storm drain. What's Patches gonna eat?"

Of all the women you see this time of year, why do the fat ones always wear the spandex?
Lets be realistic, does nobody have a mirror anymore? Do you not notice that you have to stuff your cellulite into the legs on your shorts like a chef stuffs a turkey? Except the truth - Diet Coke is not the answer to your problem, put the hot dog down and go for a jog.
Or a run.
Or a walk.
Just not to the Dairy Queen.

Commitment

I thought it would be easy.
I thought the words would flow like water from the river that is my brain.
I thought I'd have all kinds of time to write what I want, when I want to write it.

Bullshit.

Try working a full-time job and having a child as well. My days are not my own anymore.
I'm either workin' for the man or watchin' the child. I didn't land on Plymouth rock, shit landed on me. (Wait, wrong metaphor, oh what the hell.)
You know I wanted to be able to write some of the observations and thoughts that I have from time to time, but I usually have those at work, and by the end of the day, I've lost them. Good stuff too. A-list shit, not like the drivel I'm writing now. What did I write about the other day? TEETH, yeah that's it TEETH. who writes about teeth anymore, It's not hip and edgy, nor witty and insightful, but noooo, I have to write about teeth.

I need some new material.

I need to drink and tell you the results.