1. I said hookers
And whores
And a teenage slut
On the bathroom floor
I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love
Oh yeah
2.Altered expectations
Long anticipation
Everything is changing
I'm the same and aging
3.All dressed up
No place to go
Hey monkey, when you gonna show your face…around me
I know all the wrongs and rights
And I just want a little light to fall…on me
4. To much walkin', shoes worn thin
Too much trippin' and my soul's worn thin
Time to catch a ride
It leaves today, her name is what it means
To much walkin', shoe's worn thin
5. Now that I've found my reward
Throw it away long before
I'd share a piece of mine with you.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Monday, January 02, 2006
Five Quotes.
- My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.
- I'm going... out
- It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.
- Can I ask you a question? Why is it then whenever I tell a guy to put it wherever they want, they always stick it in my ass?
- Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Resolutions.
Resolutions are a crock of shit.
What difference does one day make? Why January 1st? Maybe we should have a resolution day, maybe closer to the summer. That way if your gonna resolve to lose weight or some such shit, then there's no time to dwaddle. You gots to take care of your shit ASAP.
The problem with January is that if your resolution involves the summer in any way, as most do, you have five or six months to procrastinate about the whole thing. And you know you are going to put it off. Hell most people have big resolutions, like losing weight or quitting smoking. That's shit you've been putting off for years, what's another two or three months?
Try and keep the resolutions reasonable, achievable, and realistic. Don't have a resolution to bang more supermodels; it ain't gonna happen. Keep it simple, like using the spellchecker when you blog, (HINT) or maybe cutting back on the five cups of coffee in the morning. ( I'm shooting for four!) I'd love to make it a goal to get a hummer everyday, but with just the wife, it's not happening. I'll have to enlist outside help. (Planning your strategy is very important.)
But back to my original point. Making a resolution in front of the whole world is just stupid. Especially at New Years. Nobody keeps their New Years resolutions, it's just a facade to make people believe that we care enough about the world to at least try and do something. If you make a decision to change something in your life, but you've had the idea in June, do you wait till New Years to do it? Hell no.
And it's always resolutions for the better. No one ever says, "I'm going to kick more puppies.", or " I think I'll poison the neighbor's water supply." You can bet some of the wackjobs in the middle east are resolving to make more suicide bombs, but you don't ever hear about it.
So if you make some resolutions or you don't, it really doesn't matter. You can tell me if you want, but I don't expect you to keep 'em.
I'll just be over here drinking my sixth coffee, relaxing after that wonderful blowjob.
Whatever.
What difference does one day make? Why January 1st? Maybe we should have a resolution day, maybe closer to the summer. That way if your gonna resolve to lose weight or some such shit, then there's no time to dwaddle. You gots to take care of your shit ASAP.
The problem with January is that if your resolution involves the summer in any way, as most do, you have five or six months to procrastinate about the whole thing. And you know you are going to put it off. Hell most people have big resolutions, like losing weight or quitting smoking. That's shit you've been putting off for years, what's another two or three months?
Try and keep the resolutions reasonable, achievable, and realistic. Don't have a resolution to bang more supermodels; it ain't gonna happen. Keep it simple, like using the spellchecker when you blog, (HINT) or maybe cutting back on the five cups of coffee in the morning. ( I'm shooting for four!) I'd love to make it a goal to get a hummer everyday, but with just the wife, it's not happening. I'll have to enlist outside help. (Planning your strategy is very important.)
But back to my original point. Making a resolution in front of the whole world is just stupid. Especially at New Years. Nobody keeps their New Years resolutions, it's just a facade to make people believe that we care enough about the world to at least try and do something. If you make a decision to change something in your life, but you've had the idea in June, do you wait till New Years to do it? Hell no.
And it's always resolutions for the better. No one ever says, "I'm going to kick more puppies.", or " I think I'll poison the neighbor's water supply." You can bet some of the wackjobs in the middle east are resolving to make more suicide bombs, but you don't ever hear about it.
So if you make some resolutions or you don't, it really doesn't matter. You can tell me if you want, but I don't expect you to keep 'em.
I'll just be over here drinking my sixth coffee, relaxing after that wonderful blowjob.
Whatever.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
F%#@ You, 2005.
Everyone always says Happy New Year.
I thought it was time to flip the bird at the old one.
All in all, 2005 was not a bad year for me and mine, so outside of the usual stuff I bitch about I can't complain.
The last couple of New Years were really quiet for me, mostly just staying at home, or visiting with family. Having a kid, (now kids ) will do that to you.
I remember the New Years of old; I usually celebrated the big moment in one of three ways:
I thought it was time to flip the bird at the old one.
All in all, 2005 was not a bad year for me and mine, so outside of the usual stuff I bitch about I can't complain.
The last couple of New Years were really quiet for me, mostly just staying at home, or visiting with family. Having a kid, (now kids ) will do that to you.
I remember the New Years of old; I usually celebrated the big moment in one of three ways:
- Roaring Drunk, passed out somewhere. (Not as often as you'd think.)
- Bored out of my mind at a party I didn't want to go to.
- Between the legs of the woman of the moment. ( Personal Favorite)
But those days are kinda over now, and I think it might be for the better.
I'm not going to post my resolutions yet, Give me some time to decide, and I'll let you know.
Have a good one, and take pictures if you can.
Later.
Friday, December 30, 2005
One Hundred.
The great thing about having this blog is that it enables me to put my opinion, in my own words, out into the ether for all to see. Good or Bad, it doesn't matter if I come across as an asshole or a saint, at least I can say that these are my words and I stand behind them.
I'll admit if I'm wrong, and you know I'll gloat (just a little) if I'm right, but a least I had the balls to write something, even if you or someone else doesn't agree with what I say.
I'm a big fan of comments, and usually if I don't know who leaves them, I'll check through their profile and see what they write about or what their opinions are.
Nothing pisses me off more than some schmuck who'll leave a retarded, off topic, inflammatory comment; and yet this guy doesn't have the cohones to put his thoughts out there. They'll insult another persons writings, yet like the cheap fuck the are, can't find it in themselves to give others the same shot at their beliefs or opinions.
Don't come to the party unless you're willing to dance.
If you feel the need to insult others likes, dislikes and opinions, at least have yours out for others to see.
Not the topic I had planned for my 100th post, but it'll do.
I'll admit if I'm wrong, and you know I'll gloat (just a little) if I'm right, but a least I had the balls to write something, even if you or someone else doesn't agree with what I say.
I'm a big fan of comments, and usually if I don't know who leaves them, I'll check through their profile and see what they write about or what their opinions are.
Nothing pisses me off more than some schmuck who'll leave a retarded, off topic, inflammatory comment; and yet this guy doesn't have the cohones to put his thoughts out there. They'll insult another persons writings, yet like the cheap fuck the are, can't find it in themselves to give others the same shot at their beliefs or opinions.
Don't come to the party unless you're willing to dance.
If you feel the need to insult others likes, dislikes and opinions, at least have yours out for others to see.
Not the topic I had planned for my 100th post, but it'll do.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Untitled
My Grandfather fell down today.
That in itself is a huge deal, but as a family we are kinda getting used to it. He's unstable on his feet, needs a walker and a scooter to get around, yet is intensely proud, refuses to ask for assistance, and seems unable to accept the fact that he cannot do everything he used to be able to do.
Today's occurrence required 3 stitches at the hospital, and we had to watch him for a while to make sure there were no symptoms of head trauma, as he had fallen a cut himself over his eye.
As I said before my Grandfather is a very proud man and he and my Grandmother have been one of the constants in my life. They have always been there, always been strong, independent people. It was always tough to see him as his condition has worsened, but to see him in emergency today, and to see the effect it has on my Grandmother was quite shocking.
When I think of my Grandfather the first thing that comes to mind is strength. To me he was always the strongest man in the world. Very outdoors and active, and always very there. When I was a kid it seemed like he could have lost an arm, called it a flesh wound, and continued chopping wood.
Watching him shaking with palsy, and bleeding while the doctor stitched him up made me realize how vulnerable he is now. How Human.
Deep inside I always felt that my Grandparents would outlive me, and to see them in any other light is quite disconcerting.
It rattles you, right at the very core.
That in itself is a huge deal, but as a family we are kinda getting used to it. He's unstable on his feet, needs a walker and a scooter to get around, yet is intensely proud, refuses to ask for assistance, and seems unable to accept the fact that he cannot do everything he used to be able to do.
Today's occurrence required 3 stitches at the hospital, and we had to watch him for a while to make sure there were no symptoms of head trauma, as he had fallen a cut himself over his eye.
As I said before my Grandfather is a very proud man and he and my Grandmother have been one of the constants in my life. They have always been there, always been strong, independent people. It was always tough to see him as his condition has worsened, but to see him in emergency today, and to see the effect it has on my Grandmother was quite shocking.
When I think of my Grandfather the first thing that comes to mind is strength. To me he was always the strongest man in the world. Very outdoors and active, and always very there. When I was a kid it seemed like he could have lost an arm, called it a flesh wound, and continued chopping wood.
Watching him shaking with palsy, and bleeding while the doctor stitched him up made me realize how vulnerable he is now. How Human.
Deep inside I always felt that my Grandparents would outlive me, and to see them in any other light is quite disconcerting.
It rattles you, right at the very core.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
No Sleep
The lack of sleep is really starting to suck ass.
As Joe said, I must be tired if all I can do is resort to shit and fart jokes.
(What makes you think it's a joke, motherfucker? That incident was based on real-life events.)
Once this kids sleep schedule calms down, it'll be easier to handle.
I think I'll have better luck prying the bottle out of my Drunk Uncle's hands.
(Doesn't everyone have a Drunk Uncle?)
You know what's funny; as tired as I am, at least I'm able to use spellcheck.
Later.
As Joe said, I must be tired if all I can do is resort to shit and fart jokes.
(What makes you think it's a joke, motherfucker? That incident was based on real-life events.)
Once this kids sleep schedule calms down, it'll be easier to handle.
I think I'll have better luck prying the bottle out of my Drunk Uncle's hands.
(Doesn't everyone have a Drunk Uncle?)
You know what's funny; as tired as I am, at least I'm able to use spellcheck.
Later.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Gut Bomb
Too much coffee and too many treats.
My stomach is in rebellion.
And if you've read my previous post, I've had guests in the house all day, which means more coffee and more snacks.
I felt trouble brewing early on in the day:
(gurgle)
I was sure it was going to settle down, probably just nerves and lack of sleep. Have some more coffee to take the edge off. (That's like using more gunpowder to keep the canon under control.)
(gur-rr-gle)
Shit, there's company here now. Just sneak into the laundry room and let a squeaker out.
Oh my Christ! What the hell is that funky smell? Better close the door when I head back out. A coffee and biscotti will settle this right down.
(gurgle-rurgle)
Whoa, that coffee's not helping, maybe I'll just excuse myself to the bathroom for a moment...
(hurgle-gurgle)
Oh my god, it feels like I'm being turned inside out. I guess this is what giving birth feels like.. That must have been my water breaking.. What was that noise? Was that me? Oh Lord I think I'm gonna die, please Lord, let me get through this, and I'll never eat another burrito again. Oh no, here comes the gas... There's got to be something wrong with me, I can't believe it's possible to make that smell with the contents of one man's stomach... Try to reach the switch for the fan...hope that it can handle the strain.. Grab the counter for support....lean into it...hold on...hold on... there! Oh yes! Yes! I'm done! Hallelujah! I feel lightheaded...must reach toilet paper roll...Fuck! Three squares left! That's like bailing a lake with a Dixie cup! Well you do what you have to do...Better leave the fan on and air it out... Now to go back out and be sociable.
Why are they looking at me funny?
Maybe I'll just go into the kitchen and grab a coffee...
(gurgle)
(Rinse and repeat)
My stomach is in rebellion.
And if you've read my previous post, I've had guests in the house all day, which means more coffee and more snacks.
I felt trouble brewing early on in the day:
(gurgle)
I was sure it was going to settle down, probably just nerves and lack of sleep. Have some more coffee to take the edge off. (That's like using more gunpowder to keep the canon under control.)
(gur-rr-gle)
Shit, there's company here now. Just sneak into the laundry room and let a squeaker out.
Oh my Christ! What the hell is that funky smell? Better close the door when I head back out. A coffee and biscotti will settle this right down.
(gurgle-rurgle)
Whoa, that coffee's not helping, maybe I'll just excuse myself to the bathroom for a moment...
(hurgle-gurgle)
Oh my god, it feels like I'm being turned inside out. I guess this is what giving birth feels like.. That must have been my water breaking.. What was that noise? Was that me? Oh Lord I think I'm gonna die, please Lord, let me get through this, and I'll never eat another burrito again. Oh no, here comes the gas... There's got to be something wrong with me, I can't believe it's possible to make that smell with the contents of one man's stomach... Try to reach the switch for the fan...hope that it can handle the strain.. Grab the counter for support....lean into it...hold on...hold on... there! Oh yes! Yes! I'm done! Hallelujah! I feel lightheaded...must reach toilet paper roll...Fuck! Three squares left! That's like bailing a lake with a Dixie cup! Well you do what you have to do...Better leave the fan on and air it out... Now to go back out and be sociable.
Why are they looking at me funny?
Maybe I'll just go into the kitchen and grab a coffee...
(gurgle)
(Rinse and repeat)
The Parade Begins
Today everyone is coming by to, as Seinfeld put it, "see the baby!"
An endless parade of people walking in and out of my house.
Hardly any sleep last night, and yet, due to my anal-retentiveness, I'm up early cleaning because no one in this world is going to see me with a messy house.
While they are all gawking at the kid, I'll be the one with the Dust Buster, sucking up crumbs.
Later.
An endless parade of people walking in and out of my house.
Hardly any sleep last night, and yet, due to my anal-retentiveness, I'm up early cleaning because no one in this world is going to see me with a messy house.
While they are all gawking at the kid, I'll be the one with the Dust Buster, sucking up crumbs.
Later.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Happy Birthday, Tristan
Yeah you read it right.
At 00:33 on December 26th, My #2 son entered into the world.
A strapping 8 pounds 9 ounces, he looks to be a charmer, following in the footsteps of his older brother and Father.
The nurses swooned, the paparazzi went crazy, and you knew he was mine 'cause there were groupies outside the birth room.
I'm never getting a good night's sleep again. Ever.
Later.
At 00:33 on December 26th, My #2 son entered into the world.
A strapping 8 pounds 9 ounces, he looks to be a charmer, following in the footsteps of his older brother and Father.
The nurses swooned, the paparazzi went crazy, and you knew he was mine 'cause there were groupies outside the birth room.
I'm never getting a good night's sleep again. Ever.
Later.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Happy Birthday, Jesus.
Now that most of the holiday shit is over with, we can start realizing the most important event that happens during this time of year.
Boxing Day Sales!
70% off?, Buy one, get one free?
I'm getting mine, bitches.
See you at the mall.
Boxing Day Sales!
70% off?, Buy one, get one free?
I'm getting mine, bitches.
See you at the mall.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Papal Problem
Is it just me or does this "New Pope" look evil?
I know I'm really far behind the times to be saying this, but I don't normally pay that much attention to the Catholic Church.
Maybe it's the way he has that evil gleam in his eye, maybe it's that he's German, but something about this guy bugs me.
Lets start with the German thing. First of all, let me say that not all Germans are evil. But this guy looks like he was old enough to have been around when there were real bad Germans out there. Did they do a good background check on him? Can you place his whereabouts prior to 1945? If someone says he was the village priest at Auschwitz, that would be a clue that somethings not right. And look at that face. Put a tiny black mustache under his nose, and BAM! - Hitler.
He does have that nasty look going on. Reminds me of that old man from Family Guy. You know the one I mean, the pedophile. Looks like he just had an alter boy for lunch and is eyeing you up for a light snack. Reminds me of the look the Emperor had before the end of Episode 3. "Cardinal Vader?" "Yes, my master?" "Rise, it's time for confessional."
And the name he has picked. Benedict. Benedict Arnold, anyone? Huh? Traitor to the revolution? What's this guy trying to hint at? He's hinting there's not going to be any church reform, except that from now on, all alter boys will wear butt-less chaps. (Like most of them didn't already.) I think that's the Evil Tip Off. The name's the hint, the looks just natural.
I'm sure that the church will sue me, or hunt me down and exorcise me, (I've seen what they did to Emily Rose, I think I can handle it.) But as long as they don't haul be to the Death Star - I mean Vatican, I should be OK. At least in the cell-blocks there it's not bread and water; it's crackers and wine.
Later.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Waiting Is The Hardest Part
Today is the Wife's due day.
Yes people, today is supposed to be the day my new progeny would enter the world.
But so far, no dice. There's not much you can do but wait it out, and that's all that can be done right now. ( Actually there's all sort of freaky stuff you can try, but I'm not really in the mood for half of it.) And since I'm not the one packing the kid around right now, I don't really have a problem with waiting.
The Wife is a different matter.
If this child was to burst from her chest a'la Alien, I think she would be happy just to have it out. I must admit, it's got to be hard carrying all that around for the last nine months, although to hear her tell it, she's been carrying me around for the last nine years. Right..... She's in her own little world on that one.
The closer we get to the big day, the more I hope this one turns out just as well as the Boy. But that would be too much luck in one spot, and lord knows I've got some bad karma floating around somewhere. If it's half as good it'll still be better than most of the kids I see on a daily basis.
Plus, if it's born on Christmas, I'm calling him Jesus. (Like I'll get away with that.)
Yes people, today is supposed to be the day my new progeny would enter the world.
But so far, no dice. There's not much you can do but wait it out, and that's all that can be done right now. ( Actually there's all sort of freaky stuff you can try, but I'm not really in the mood for half of it.) And since I'm not the one packing the kid around right now, I don't really have a problem with waiting.
The Wife is a different matter.
If this child was to burst from her chest a'la Alien, I think she would be happy just to have it out. I must admit, it's got to be hard carrying all that around for the last nine months, although to hear her tell it, she's been carrying me around for the last nine years. Right..... She's in her own little world on that one.
The closer we get to the big day, the more I hope this one turns out just as well as the Boy. But that would be too much luck in one spot, and lord knows I've got some bad karma floating around somewhere. If it's half as good it'll still be better than most of the kids I see on a daily basis.
Plus, if it's born on Christmas, I'm calling him Jesus. (Like I'll get away with that.)
"He Looks Like A Pink Nightmare"
Everyone has some type of Christmas tradition.
Some people go to church, some go skiing, the homeless....stay homeless, but for me and mine, every year there are certain movies that I have to watch, just to get some semblance of seasonal cheer.
Some people go to church, some go skiing, the homeless....stay homeless, but for me and mine, every year there are certain movies that I have to watch, just to get some semblance of seasonal cheer.
- A Christmas Story - This is the one. If I don't catch some of the others, I can live, but sometime during the Holidays I have to watch this. For some reason I just love this movie. I think it's the family dynamic, or maybe the fact that it's just fuckin' hilarious.
- Christmas Vacation - Boy, big shocker here. Everybody and their dog watches this one. I prefer the DVD to what you see on TV, but we've all seen the TV version a thousand times.
- Merry Fucking Christmas - What? How did that get there?
- Bad Santa - It wasn't Christmas when I first saw it, but this movie makes the list this year. Some of the shit they pull off in this movie, just makes me laugh 'till it hurts
- Charlie Brown Christmas - Oh come on, everyone loves this one! With the fucked up Christmas tree, and Lucy trying to get into Schroeder's pants, it's a holiday classic! Best line ever: Whaa Whaa wawa Wha. - Charlie Brown's Teacher.
I know there's probably lots of movies I missed that I do watch and kinda remember, but with so much going on at this time of year, you end up missing a couple.
What are the movies you like to watch over the Holidays? Really old shit or do you like the more modern fare? I can't stand the older stuff, but I'll watch it if I've had enough egg nog.
But I'll do just about anything if I've had enough nog.
Later.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Kringle, Kris Kringle...
Took the boy to see Santa tonight.
He reacted way better than last year, which was to say he didn't cry, have a freaker and try to stab Santa. He understands that there is a man in a suit, who doesn't look like anybody else he's ever seen, and we want him to sit in this guys lap and smile. No fucking way. He'll walk up, take the present, say thank you like he's been taught, and then he wants nothing to do with that guy.
What shocked me was when I asked him if he didn't like Santa. He said "That not Santa, Daddy, that man in suit." He said Santa was at the North Pole and that was just a "pretend Santa". This from the kid who still occasionally shits his pants? He can see through lies and subterfuge, but can't see fit to plant a coiler in the shitter?
What a crappy and thankless job that must be. If you aren't cheerful enough, people will get mad 'cause you are ruining it for the kids, yet if you are too enthusiastic, then you are probably a closet pedophile. And the kids, oh my lord the kids; some of the little buggers I saw tonight I wouldn't let in the front door of my house, forget about sitting on my lap. Fat, dirty, smelly, snotty, ugly, whiny, and spastic. It's like the seven dwarves of childhood trauma. I'd rather breast-feed a cheese shredder than deal with some of that crap.
Where do you go to get that job? What qualifications do you have to have? Does Worker's Compensation cover lap related accidents? Is there a test? There must be some sort of training program or minimum level of education needed, otherwise you'd see homeless people lining up for the job. Although the standards can't be too high, otherwise how to you explain the schmoes that do it in this town? I think the guy who was doing it tonight had lost a bet or something.
Yet some how the magic is still in the air. The blatant commercialism of Christmas has yet to stomp out the actual meaning of the season. Now if we could just remember what that was....
He reacted way better than last year, which was to say he didn't cry, have a freaker and try to stab Santa. He understands that there is a man in a suit, who doesn't look like anybody else he's ever seen, and we want him to sit in this guys lap and smile. No fucking way. He'll walk up, take the present, say thank you like he's been taught, and then he wants nothing to do with that guy.
What shocked me was when I asked him if he didn't like Santa. He said "That not Santa, Daddy, that man in suit." He said Santa was at the North Pole and that was just a "pretend Santa". This from the kid who still occasionally shits his pants? He can see through lies and subterfuge, but can't see fit to plant a coiler in the shitter?
What a crappy and thankless job that must be. If you aren't cheerful enough, people will get mad 'cause you are ruining it for the kids, yet if you are too enthusiastic, then you are probably a closet pedophile. And the kids, oh my lord the kids; some of the little buggers I saw tonight I wouldn't let in the front door of my house, forget about sitting on my lap. Fat, dirty, smelly, snotty, ugly, whiny, and spastic. It's like the seven dwarves of childhood trauma. I'd rather breast-feed a cheese shredder than deal with some of that crap.
Where do you go to get that job? What qualifications do you have to have? Does Worker's Compensation cover lap related accidents? Is there a test? There must be some sort of training program or minimum level of education needed, otherwise you'd see homeless people lining up for the job. Although the standards can't be too high, otherwise how to you explain the schmoes that do it in this town? I think the guy who was doing it tonight had lost a bet or something.
Yet some how the magic is still in the air. The blatant commercialism of Christmas has yet to stomp out the actual meaning of the season. Now if we could just remember what that was....
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I F@$#%* Hate Shopping.
I go on holidays in two days.
Most of my shopping is done, except for a couple of people, mainly the Wife.
Been too busy working to really get it done, so now I'm gonna have to fight the crowds to get this shit over with.
The most frustrating part is that I know exactly what I am going to get. I'm just pissed that I'm going to have to wade through a sea of imbeciles to get the items I need.
I think I should take a large stick with me and swing it wildly around my head to clear a path. Alas, in this post 9/11 world, I would get jumped by about 5 different government agencies, two of which would be from our "Retarded cousin to the south." (Take that Tucker Carlson, I got a whole other blog entry for you, shmuck.)
I think I'll just have to bite the bullet, or at least carry a few rounds with me. I'm gonna put on my Happy Christmas Face,( "Now with 10% more Insanity!") and just tough it out. I know a lot of you think I'm exaggerating, but I'd rather shop in almost any other place than here. The ignorant butt-heads around this joint seem to come out in force whenever I decide to go downtown.
If you don't hear from me again, pour a Timmy's on the curb.
Later.
Most of my shopping is done, except for a couple of people, mainly the Wife.
Been too busy working to really get it done, so now I'm gonna have to fight the crowds to get this shit over with.
The most frustrating part is that I know exactly what I am going to get. I'm just pissed that I'm going to have to wade through a sea of imbeciles to get the items I need.
I think I should take a large stick with me and swing it wildly around my head to clear a path. Alas, in this post 9/11 world, I would get jumped by about 5 different government agencies, two of which would be from our "Retarded cousin to the south." (Take that Tucker Carlson, I got a whole other blog entry for you, shmuck.)
I think I'll just have to bite the bullet, or at least carry a few rounds with me. I'm gonna put on my Happy Christmas Face,( "Now with 10% more Insanity!") and just tough it out. I know a lot of you think I'm exaggerating, but I'd rather shop in almost any other place than here. The ignorant butt-heads around this joint seem to come out in force whenever I decide to go downtown.
If you don't hear from me again, pour a Timmy's on the curb.
Later.
Monday, December 19, 2005
If There Were Boobs, I'd Watch It.
Watching Television at this time of year is excruciatingly painful.
There is nothing really good on, just seems to be the same crap and drivel that's always there, except now it's Christmas Themed crap and drivel.
Does anybody even watch Fear Factor anymore? Why is that show still on? What's the point? All it has is a couple of stunts, ( you can't get hurt, there's safety equipment everywhere,) and eating something gross. Where's the challenge in that? Hell, in high school I used to do stunts; walking to school without being run over was one, and using the shittier at the school was the other. And eating something gross? I'd go down on a girl with a yeast infection and call it a light snack.
But back to the TV. Is there nothing original out anymore? And I mean something with some standards to it, not this smaltzy-holiday made-for-TV shit they splatter the airwaves with, hoping to tug at your heartstrings long enough for you to feel guilty and buy your drunk uncle "The Clapper" 'cause you saw it during a commercial.
I wouldn't mind seeing something that would catch my attention like The Charlie Brown Christmas Special did. ( Before it was aired for the 12 millionth time) And I recall how The Grinch was such a good, funny story, or it was until I saw it a couple of nights ago. Dr Seuss was a hack, and I swear that the fucker was stoned when he wrote that shit. And I'm not letting my kid watch some junkie's wet dream that's been drawn by a retarded guy with no depth perception.
I gots to put my foot down somewhere.
Maybe I'll just shut the goddamn TV off, and go and take my son outside.
Right after CSI.
There is nothing really good on, just seems to be the same crap and drivel that's always there, except now it's Christmas Themed crap and drivel.
Does anybody even watch Fear Factor anymore? Why is that show still on? What's the point? All it has is a couple of stunts, ( you can't get hurt, there's safety equipment everywhere,) and eating something gross. Where's the challenge in that? Hell, in high school I used to do stunts; walking to school without being run over was one, and using the shittier at the school was the other. And eating something gross? I'd go down on a girl with a yeast infection and call it a light snack.
But back to the TV. Is there nothing original out anymore? And I mean something with some standards to it, not this smaltzy-holiday made-for-TV shit they splatter the airwaves with, hoping to tug at your heartstrings long enough for you to feel guilty and buy your drunk uncle "The Clapper" 'cause you saw it during a commercial.
I wouldn't mind seeing something that would catch my attention like The Charlie Brown Christmas Special did. ( Before it was aired for the 12 millionth time) And I recall how The Grinch was such a good, funny story, or it was until I saw it a couple of nights ago. Dr Seuss was a hack, and I swear that the fucker was stoned when he wrote that shit. And I'm not letting my kid watch some junkie's wet dream that's been drawn by a retarded guy with no depth perception.
I gots to put my foot down somewhere.
Maybe I'll just shut the goddamn TV off, and go and take my son outside.
Right after CSI.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Man Of The Year.
I just about pissed myself when I saw that Time Magazine had picked Bono as one of it's People of the Year. I've been checking Joe's Blog every 15 minutes since I got home. I'm just waiting for his take on the whole thing. His hatred of the B-Man is almost legendary, and as constant as the passage of time.
I can't begrudge the Bill Gates choice either. The guy makes a shitload of money, but he also dumps a lot of it back into the community. I don't think that it's such a big distiction, last year they picked Dubya, and now they're just trying to make up for it.
They got a long way to go.
Later.
I can't begrudge the Bill Gates choice either. The guy makes a shitload of money, but he also dumps a lot of it back into the community. I don't think that it's such a big distiction, last year they picked Dubya, and now they're just trying to make up for it.
They got a long way to go.
Later.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Anger
You know, family really pisses me off sometimes.
There are moments when I find it hard that I am related ( by blood, no less!) to these people.
We had The Boy's birthday party today. 2:00 pm to be precise. Told my family about it a week ago, when my brother was up. Laid down the time frame, made sure they all knew about it.
I get a call from my Mother at around noon, and she tells me that they won't be coming. Now my parents live about 45 minutes north of town, and I understand that weather plays an important part in driving, but when you tell me that you can't make it in because you are worried about frost on the roads, and it's +2 and sunny in town, then I have a problem. Now, my parents not coming raises another issue. What about my Grandparents? They live on the north side of town, don't have a vehicle, and my parents would be their method of transportation. I ask if they are still coming, because if I have to go get them, then I'll have to leave ASAP to get then here on time.
I'm told that my Grandmother has a bad cold and can't come. If she's not going there's no way my Grandfather is, not by himself, and I know that's not gonna happen. Ok then, I ask if my Aunt and Uncle, who live in the same place as my parents, are coming. My Mother doesn't know but says she'll find out. Says she'll see us later in the week.
Of course you will. It's fucking Christmas. I have to see all of you.
My Aunt calls 5 minutes later and cancels for the same reason.
Great. We have a party for My Son, and the only people from my family that show up is my 13 year old nephew and his youngest brother. Meanwhile my Wife's family has 14 people show up. We can tell which family shows more respect for the Boy now, can't we?
And that's what it's all about. Respect. I hope that you Respect me enough to try and make it to the kid's party, even if you had to leave early. I hope that you Respect me and mine enough to have your kids behave themselves when they are in my house, and to let them have Respect for themselves by not showing up looking like castoffs from Oliver Twist.
Cap-it-al Fucking R-e-s-p-e-c-t, Respect. Aretha sang about it, try and show some of it.
It doesn't totally fuck my day over, but I was frustrated by my family's no-show and embarrassed at what family did show up. ( You'll have to ask Joe the details; trust me it's a whole other blog entry.)
But the Boy had a great time after all, and he didn't even notice what family weren't there, and he ignored the ones that were acting weird. So he had a good day, and that's what counts.
But I'm still fucking mad.
I usually let shit slide, be the bigger man, but fuck it. I'll call it when I see it, and this is bullshit.
Nursing a grudge through the holidays?..........Nice.
There are moments when I find it hard that I am related ( by blood, no less!) to these people.
We had The Boy's birthday party today. 2:00 pm to be precise. Told my family about it a week ago, when my brother was up. Laid down the time frame, made sure they all knew about it.
I get a call from my Mother at around noon, and she tells me that they won't be coming. Now my parents live about 45 minutes north of town, and I understand that weather plays an important part in driving, but when you tell me that you can't make it in because you are worried about frost on the roads, and it's +2 and sunny in town, then I have a problem. Now, my parents not coming raises another issue. What about my Grandparents? They live on the north side of town, don't have a vehicle, and my parents would be their method of transportation. I ask if they are still coming, because if I have to go get them, then I'll have to leave ASAP to get then here on time.
I'm told that my Grandmother has a bad cold and can't come. If she's not going there's no way my Grandfather is, not by himself, and I know that's not gonna happen. Ok then, I ask if my Aunt and Uncle, who live in the same place as my parents, are coming. My Mother doesn't know but says she'll find out. Says she'll see us later in the week.
Of course you will. It's fucking Christmas. I have to see all of you.
My Aunt calls 5 minutes later and cancels for the same reason.
Great. We have a party for My Son, and the only people from my family that show up is my 13 year old nephew and his youngest brother. Meanwhile my Wife's family has 14 people show up. We can tell which family shows more respect for the Boy now, can't we?
And that's what it's all about. Respect. I hope that you Respect me enough to try and make it to the kid's party, even if you had to leave early. I hope that you Respect me and mine enough to have your kids behave themselves when they are in my house, and to let them have Respect for themselves by not showing up looking like castoffs from Oliver Twist.
Cap-it-al Fucking R-e-s-p-e-c-t, Respect. Aretha sang about it, try and show some of it.
It doesn't totally fuck my day over, but I was frustrated by my family's no-show and embarrassed at what family did show up. ( You'll have to ask Joe the details; trust me it's a whole other blog entry.)
But the Boy had a great time after all, and he didn't even notice what family weren't there, and he ignored the ones that were acting weird. So he had a good day, and that's what counts.
But I'm still fucking mad.
I usually let shit slide, be the bigger man, but fuck it. I'll call it when I see it, and this is bullshit.
Nursing a grudge through the holidays?..........Nice.
Talk The Talk.
I'm in a rut.
Lately all I do is work, eat, have some quality time with the family, sleep, and then start it all over again in the morning.
I'm digging the job right now, and I'm cool on hangin' with the Boy, but after going to Vancouver and then doing the staff party thing, I'm kinda in the mood to "stretch my legs". I think I just need some release, and to have some deep, meaningful conversation.
Gotcha, didn't I? Those of you who normally read this probably thought I was going to say deep meaningless sex. Well, that's not what this is about. I'd like to have a long, interesting conversation with someone who knows what they want to say. The Boy is great and all, but a thirty-minute chat about what that pile of Play-Dough looks like is starting to wear thin.
I'd love to talk about what's going on outside of the house, about things that are happening in the world, hell about almost anything, really. I'd even have a debate with one of those retards who refuse to say "Merry Christmas" this time of year.
I guess it's because of the holidays. Everyone is in a rush, you are sucked out of your usual routine, and all you have time for is inane chatter with people you normally wouldn't see, unless it was to testify at a paternity hearing.
So until this rush-about, bullshit filled season is over I'm gonna have to wait until the peeps are free and then grab a cup of Java at Timmy's. It's the only way to make it through. Good luck making the schedules work out, but hey, it'll happen eventually.
Later.
Lately all I do is work, eat, have some quality time with the family, sleep, and then start it all over again in the morning.
I'm digging the job right now, and I'm cool on hangin' with the Boy, but after going to Vancouver and then doing the staff party thing, I'm kinda in the mood to "stretch my legs". I think I just need some release, and to have some deep, meaningful conversation.
Gotcha, didn't I? Those of you who normally read this probably thought I was going to say deep meaningless sex. Well, that's not what this is about. I'd like to have a long, interesting conversation with someone who knows what they want to say. The Boy is great and all, but a thirty-minute chat about what that pile of Play-Dough looks like is starting to wear thin.
I'd love to talk about what's going on outside of the house, about things that are happening in the world, hell about almost anything, really. I'd even have a debate with one of those retards who refuse to say "Merry Christmas" this time of year.
I guess it's because of the holidays. Everyone is in a rush, you are sucked out of your usual routine, and all you have time for is inane chatter with people you normally wouldn't see, unless it was to testify at a paternity hearing.
So until this rush-about, bullshit filled season is over I'm gonna have to wait until the peeps are free and then grab a cup of Java at Timmy's. It's the only way to make it through. Good luck making the schedules work out, but hey, it'll happen eventually.
Later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)